It's that time of year, leave all our hopelessnesses aside,

tears stop right here, I know we've all had a bumpy ride:

I knew I spoke too soon,

This weekend will be legit, the start to a month long celebration.. I can feel it. haha, damn you March birthdays and spring break! No lie though, this month will bring glorious joy to me! And of course, April is the best month of alllllll, two of my favorite holidays (winks dramatically)

Slowly but surely putting spring break plans together, so far everything we've wanted to plan is working out! Our plans aren't big or over the top but they will be spent with people I miss and can't wait to see. The only issue now is making sure we got that money, money, money. Working on that though, for sure.

I officially put my post-tcc school plan together. If everything goes accordingly, I should be out of Keller by Christmas! SOOO looking forward to it. I should probably hit up a back up plan huh? Just in case I suppose.

...sigh

It's hard to constantly remember that I have a lot to look forward to and not dwell on things I cannot change. This will be the last thing I write for awhile,

Which of the bold faced lies will we use?

I hope that you're happy, you really deserve it, this will be the best for us both in the end:

I feel good.

Honestly, I feel happy. Maybe it's just the day or week I'm having so far but I honestly feel happy. It's been soo long since I've felt anything remotely close to happy, anddd all without you. I think that's what makes it feel the best.

I know it's only Tuesday but damn this week has been good. I have awesome friends, good classes (pretty easy overall), semi-legit parent(s).. mostly my dad, and did I mention awesome friends? haha

So I'm watching American Idol tonight, and you know I've never fully watched it until now. The show itself is kinda ridiculous but I respect those who try out and make it. I wish I could be on American Idol except not for singing, it would just be tight to be on a show like that. I can't sing though so fuck it

It really is crazy to sit back and look on my life and my friends I've grown up with's lives. I just recently did that, and it really is insane how much everyone has grown up. We've come so far, all of us, and we'll only go further. It also showed me who's stuck around and who I've gone in opposite directions with. It's refreshing, reassuring, and a little sad all at once.

This is all,

Dashboard Confessional has my little heart for now.

Please speak slowly, my heart is learning,

teach me heartache, stop this burning now:

Man is this semester going by fast or what? February is almost over, shiiiit. Although, it's a short month, just one more month closer to my birthdayyyy, woo! haha it's not THAT exciting but birthdays are nice. I decided there's only one thing I'm really wanting for my birthday and that is an ipod touch. Don't get me wrong I love my ipod and everything (80 gig mothafuckkaa) but an ipod touch would just be awesome to have... so if you're feeling generous in a month or so ;)

So I just got done watching the Hills have eyes and I'm wondering if there are really people like that. Obviously I know the movie is fake but I mean if there were really people who refused to leave when they were doing nuclear testing and what not. hm just a thought

You know, twitter is really growing on me, I didn't think I was gonna like it but it's so simple and gets the point across. Facebook on the other hand is fucking up, like really fucking up, with all their technical difficulties and what not ever since it changed AGAIN, get it together facebook.

I don't get it, or you so I'm not gonna try to anymore. Learning not to need you feels like going through withdrawals, it's insane. This is the only way I'll learn though, it's a learning process. With the help of various distractions it'll happen.

Cold ground was my bed last night,

And rock was my pillow, too:

It feels better, I feel better. I can tell now because I can sleep through the night.

I feel more motivated for school now that I have a plan or an idea of a plan. I like this plan or this idea because it was self-made, all by myself, no outside influences. it's what I want to do. It makes me feel more motivated for school, like I know what to expect now.

As for getting a job, I don't feel motivated at all, I feel like I've given up all hope, haha. It just seems impossible, out of my reach. (sigh)

So all star weekend was this weekend and there were a bunch of celebrities in town. ahh it always makes me wish I was rich and famous. mostly just rich, but famous would be a plus cause I could come to events like the all star weekend and do whatever the fuck It want! oh well though,

You know I was thinking about what semester is my favorite semester. Fall you have all the holidays and you get off of school, it makes school seem to go by faster. But then spring semester, you have spring break, my birthday and other acquiring holidays ;) not only that but it's pretty much a straight shot through... hm.

On a Bob Marley high....

An addiction to hands and feet,

there's a meat market down the street:

I miss you, ohhh I miss you.

but slowly it's getting easier... well, not easier, but I cry less. To me, that's easier. I still think about you and I hope that you're doing better. I just wish I could hear from you, it would be comforting to hear from you.

School is such a drag, although my classes aren't bad. still a drag though. I want to figure out what I'm going to do next, I'm just not sure. Hopefully after tomorrow I'll get a better understanding of what I shouuulddd do. We'll see though,

I want money, I need money, I wish I had money coming in for not doing shit. (sigh) if only,

hahah Family Guy is hilarious, I don't care what anyone has to say, it's fucking hilarious. A new show that is hilarious and everyone should watch though is Modern Family. abc is really stepping up their comedy shows, but I have to say that nbc has the best comedies.

that's all. i wrote this because i don't want to finish this dumb 1 pg essay for speech. bye

When I'm talking to myself,

i'd always rather be talking to you:

i miss you

and i'm scared and now i cry...a lot,

i'm scared that i'm gonna lose you.

i love you, always. no matter what, you know this.

keeping myself distracted.

i have the best friends a girl could ask for,

i truly know who my true friends are,

it feels good to have friends who care just as much as i do.

i love you three.

(sigh) tough ending to my week,

hopefully next week brings better news.