this is my life,
it's not what is was before
all these feelings i've shared.
and these are my dreams,
that i've never lived before
somebody shake me cause i,
i must be sleeping

now that we're here
it's so far away,
all the struggle we thought was in vain
all the mistakes, one life contained
they all finally start to go away.
now that we're here it's so far away
and i feel like i can face the day
i can forgive and i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today

these are my words
that i've never said before
i think i'm doing okay
and this is the smile
that i've never shown before


somebody shake me cause i,
i must be sleeping

I am wrong, but I am living

inside, I am unforgiving:


I haven't had anything to write about lately. Life is more routine. School then work. Work then school. There isn't much time for anything other than close friends these days

Summer is nice though,


I wish I could ease everything the way you do, nothing really matters to you, you don't take life or anyone seriously. Seems so freeing. (if that's even a word) I wish I could lie like you do and set my emotions and my concious aside to pretend to live my life, haha.

But then I come back to reality and realize that I will never be like that, I don't know how to be anything but myself. hahah, I'm far from knowing everything about life, but I'm learning so much about myself recently that it amazes me sometimes. I hate growing up but the process is incredible.

Dear Dumebi and Sam,
If i didn't have you two I don't even know what I would do with myself. You two have kept me sane in the past few months and I couldn't be more grateful. If you two were put into one body I swear I'd have the perfect best friend. But I have both of you ... in different bodies... lmao and I couldn't be happier. You guys have helped me realize so much about myself and how to deal with things in my own way and have been so supportive of any decision I've made and for that I love you both very very very much, more than I can even describe.

(sigh) i just love you guyssssss ....


ps- WORLD CUP 2010 is today!
iyiyiyiyiy - La Furia Roja!

pps- free slurpies at 711 because it's july 11th (7/11)
so everyone! quick! go get one!




its four in the mornin, she callin my phone
she wannna be grown, we gone get it on..
say he can lay you down, but imma beat it up

Don't feed me scraps from your bed,

I won't be the stray coming back, just to be fed:

This past week in itself was pretty eventful:

I love going to Denton for the weekends, it's like own little get away every time. This time though, I took my brother, seemed like everyone (minus dbaby) brought their younger siblings haha. It was an insane night, but definitely one to remember!

I just wanna say to all of my friends:
If you have the opportunity to be with the one that's for you, or if the person you're with now turns out to be the person you've always wanted, or if you are just in the perfect relationship. do not take advantage. Some people never get to be with that one person ever, and others aren't as fortunate as you to get to choose your partner and are able to actually be with them, without any opposition. So if you have that chance, that amazing opportunity to be with that person, do all you can to make that relationship work. It takes sacrifice and commitment. People think they can just fuck around and that these relationships just come and go, they don't. That one person is exactly that, one person. If you've found them, keep them. That's all I'm gonna say on that.

*ahem*
anyways,

Finally got myself a job. yes the day has fucking come! haha but seriously. A steady job with a steady pay check is what I was looking for and I got it. Thanks to one of the best friends a kid could ever ask for! Starts Monday- #ohletsdoit

"So let's just stay in the moment smoke some weed, drink some wine. reminisce, talk some shit, forever young is in your mind"
---summer 2010

Seriously though, so far this summer I really have been doing a lot of reminiscing, and it's been completely insane. In just a year so much has changed, and literally unbelievable to me. Change. hasn't always been good to me, but I've grown to deal. A lot of growing up is learning how to deal with change, in a positive way. and at 20 I can't say I've mastered it but shit, I'm doing my best.

and even at 20, I have a lot more things to learn. about life and about myself, and (sigh) saying that it's overwhelming to me would be an understatement.




I’m more than just a number
I doubt you’ll find another
so every single summer
I be the one that you remember

I'm coming up only to hold you under

Life is more routine these days. Summer never really feels like summer anymore. I really dislike being in school all year around, but. i must.

I haven't had time to sit down and write lately.

-so good to see my oldest friend last week. even if all i get is two days to soak you all in, it's worth it. we have been through so much and for so long. she is and will always will be my best friend. and i'll always want to kick the soccer ball around with you anyday (sly smile)


I think I'm the happiest I've been in over a year. I've always wondered when I was gonna be happy, like truly happy again...
and ah, it feels nice.




"Life is like a dark tunnel, you can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving, you will come to a better place" [july.1st*.]

Simple as that for ya simple ass

summer school starts tomorrow,

[keep moving forward]

things i'm looking forward to:

SA this weekend

people i love graduating

seeing my best friend next week

good bye to not doing shit all day.

So I was listening to the Damien Rice station on pandora and this is what i came across...

I was just thinking that I have been missing you for way too long

There's something inside this weary head that wants us to love just instead

But I was just thinking, merely thinking I've got loads of pictures

I've got the one of you in that dancing dress

But man I feel silly in that dim light just after doing you by the sight of My Kodak delights

I am sinking, merely sinking

I think about long distance rates instead of kissing you babe

I'm a singer without a song

If I wait for you longer my affection is stronger

I, I was just thinking and thinking, merely thinking

That this boat is sinking

Yeah I'm tired of postcards

Especially the ones with cute dogs and cupids

I'm tired of calling you and missing you

And dreaming that I've slept with you

Don't get me wrong I still desperately love you

Inside this weary head

I just want us to love, just instead

But I was just thinking and thinking, merely thinking

I think about long distance rates instead of kissing you babe

And time is running me still

If I wait for you longer my affection is stronger I was just thinking

Babe, I was just thinking

That I'm tired of calling you once a week

And thinking of long distance rates instead of kissing you

Baby I'm sinking, merely sinking

as well as other awesome songs by

aqua lung

the district

benjamin gibbard

bush

and kate nash

The how I can't recall

But I'm staring at what once was the wall

Separating east and west

Now, they meet amidst the broad daylight

So, this is where you are

And this is where I am

Somewhere between unsure

And a hundred

It's hard I must confess

I'm banking on the rest to clear away

'Cause we have spoken everything

Everything short of I love you

You right where you are

From right where I am

Somewhere between unsure

And a hundred

Somewhere between unsure

And a hundred

And who's to say it's wrong?

And who's to say that it's not right

Where we should be for now?

So, this is where you are

And this is where I am

So, this is where you are

And this is where I've been

And this is where I've been

Somewhere between unsure

And a hundred