Been waiting around on you, don't know why I'm here..

This weekend man:

Monkey business (for Jame) but really, it was crazy but definitely fun too. My weekends technically start on Thursdays or as D baby calls them "Thridays" cause it's Thursday but it's like a Friday cause it's the end of the school for most of us. Thursday, didn't do much, just chilled at the dorm with the girls & me and Katrina, we had like a Grey's Anatomy marathon. I really don't remember what we did Friday, honestly, all the days just mesh into one. But I know Saturday me and Tri had a breakfast/lunch date at ihop, twas delish and we had some good conversation. Then shortly after that my cousin Abi came in town! woo, I really really REALLY missed her. I'm glad she came to visit, we need more Jen-Abi time.

So last night was Saturday night. I probably can't describe in words how fun/awesome/weird/crazy last night was. Haha, I'm not going into detail but I just was really like man, it was fun. Just took Abi to hang out with the girls (D baby, Jennifer & Jessica) We had a blasty-blast (ew.. okay I really don't say that) We had a blast* Some good fun, and definitely some good talks and DEFINITELY some good food from Whataburger!

It's been hard without you, but I'm still learning. I don't want to handle this in a wrong way, so I'm trying my best here.

learning and trying my hardest to move on

Oh just a side note: the band All Get Out is pretty legit, check them out. They sound like Manchester Orchestra and when I saw them perform live, I instantly fell in love. Good times, good times.

I feel happy & unhappy at the same time because, I feel happy but I hate school, which makes me unhappy. I'm really having a hard time staying focused on some of my classes because they have become so repetitive and so lame. I want some change, 18 weeks of the same class is too long. Give me some motivation, some change.

A weekend full of good conversation.

My moods change with the seasons these days.

"Sequoyah Prep School changed my life":

Haha, that quote gets me every time because for me and my friend Jamie, it's true. I don't know if any of you guys know the band Sequoyah Prep School but they are a legit band. & I can say that they're legit cause we've met them and hung out with them a little. (winks) but we really have and they are cool.

but I've decided to try to keep up with this thing more often because I like it, so I'm gonna try reeaaalll hard.

en-ee-way-z <- ew, i just made that up.

So today was a pretty good day, I slept in till twelve and only had one class today, which was at two-thirty so it was nice EXCEPT it was pouring when I was walking to and from class, it sucked so bad. I had to get some food from the union and walk back so I would have something to eat and when I got back to the dorm the bad I had in my hand was like ripping cause it was so wet. sick.

Then tonight, weeee had church. I felt like I hadn't gone to church in a long time, and I don't think I have? I don't remember... ANYWAYS it was kinda weird, idk, it felt weird today at church with like everyone, oh well. 

Tomorrow is my last day of class for the week, pretty exciting. I'm planning on going to see I Love You, Man & I'm really excited to see that movie, I really have no idea why. My expectations aren't high for that movie or anything but it has some good comedians in it and I can pretty much predict it'll be legit. ANNNDD my cousin is coming down from Baylor, like I said & I'm really excited to see her, I just don't know what we're gonna do! Well I am me, so I'm sure I'll be able to find something. (cheesy smile)

i really just wanna blazzeee right now & i need to brush my hair.

I have some pretty awesome friends, I have to admit. I mean I would really say that I have a handful of good friends that I'd really like to be my friends for like the rest of my life. You know those friends? Friends that will be your brides made and shit, those friends. I like those friends- scratch that, I LOVE those friends, I need those friends, they keep me grounded.

So I totally did this thing on facebook tonight, it was like picture memories, it was a lot of fun to do it & then see what it looked like at the end of it, haha. If you're my friend on facebook you gotta check it out. It's hilarious.

Okay I'm out, it's almost 3 & I have class at 9:30 (dies)

"Forty I See You"

Man it's been awhile:

What's been goin' on? Spring break was last week, let me tell you, it was pretty legit. Not the best I've ever had but definitely up there. It was good to see some people then spend half the week with some of my family. LOVE the family. 

Got some new thinking: as of now, I'm not going to tdub next semester. sad story? nah. I'm pretty content with that. I'm gonna work on getting my associates degree then becoming a Physical Therapist Tech. then making my own money to pay for school for myself. I feel like I wanna help my parents out because right now I don't have a job and I feel like I'm not helping my parents out at all plus I wanna earn my degree. Also, moving to San Antonio to live with my other family and go to school out there was also thrown out there, but only just thrown out there, nothing's definite, at all.

man, i miss you

We'll see how all of that goes. School has sort of been settling down a little, I do get those spurts of being really hard and crap all at one time but it's been good. So good news, my cousin that goes to Baylor is coming down this weekend to spend the weekend with me! No doubt I'm super excited to see her. I think overall, today was a good day. I didn't go to my three hour lab today though, I was toooo tired, and when I say tired, I'm not even kidding. I took like a hundred hour nap, ha! Not really. (what's that from?)

I am currently listening to Wayne, man, he truly is the best. 

I just love to listen to him & just chillll.

Also, skype (&ichat) is the best invention so far.

Laterrr.

"I would I could say no regrets, and no emotional debts.."

Just in one of those weird moods:

I recently decided to not be friends with someone anymore, it was a mutual decision though. We both have been through a lot because of certain things, but we decided that friendship just isn't for us right now & maybe I'm better because of it. In the past, me and this person have decided off and on that we shouldn't have a friendship because of the consequences that come with it, but now I think I have finally realized that maybe we really shouldn't be friends. I wouldn't say I've done a lot of thinking about not being friends because I haven't. I just do a lot of thinking about the person and what the situation could be if we decided to stay friends. I just wasn't sure what made me want to stay friends with this person. This has really been on my heart lately (that sounds kind of weird) but it has, maybe because being friends with this person means a whole lot to me. This person means a whole lot to me. I  have realized though, that this person may mean a lot to me but I have other things in my life that mean a whole lot more and maybe I don't love this person the way that I should, or did. 

I try to define love:

Love. Loving someone is caring so much about this person to the point of caring about them before yourself.. right?

Love. feeling a deep affection or passion for someone; a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.

But why did I love this person? Because of how they made me feel? What we did when we were together? Was our friendship solely based on that.. friendship? Why.. Why did I love this person so much, to the point of where I wouldn't let go of this friendship for anything. What was keeping me so attached? 

.. I don't know ..

What I do know is that it hurts. It hurts to lose someone you have grown so attached to for a long while now, whether it was your choice or not. What hurts more though is knowing that this person hasn't been as attached as you have anymore. Knowing that this person doesn't think about you anymore, this person doesn't care about the little things anymore. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. 

I don't like to talk about it.. as you can tell, (chuckles) but I do like to express what I'm feeling to something that doesn't speak back. I don't want to hear what someone would do in the situation, I just like to talk. 

In the past I would be fighting so hard for this friendship, I would. Right now though, there is no desire in me to fight. No desire to keep us alive, no desire to stand up for us. Why now.. all of the sudden? I wouldn't call it moving on because I don't think I have, in any matter, but I feel like there is no desire to even send that text; that text to make me feel better. 

Before I go though, I would like to be able to lay down at night and just be able to go to sleep without thinking. If I could take anything out of my thoughts, it would be you.

"All I can ever be to you, 

is the darkness that we knew,

And this regret I've got accustomed to.

Once it was so right-

..I don't understand,

Why do I stress a man,

when there's so many bigger things at hand.

We could of never had it all,

we had to hit a wall,

So this is inevitable withdrawal.."

"Get the car in your ass."

Just a thought:

[sigh] This weekend was crazy eventful. I'm not going into detail or anything but basically as of right now, I am phone-less, thank you loving parents. But besides that I really am going to start focusing on school a lot more, like I said I was going to before, but now .. I'm serious -_-

I like that face:  -_- probably the best expression for my mood right now. bah, so I really do love skype. For those who don't know what skype is, it's an amazing video chatting program that allows you to video chat with people who have web cams. I also love ichat but for those who don't have macs, that stinks. I, however, have a mac (proud smile) .. it was a graduation present so it's not like I got if for myself or anything ha!

Alright, well I mean there's nothing really going on, I mean it's March! woo. already. & today is my friend Sam's birthday (happy birthday Sam) and my friend Jennifer but I like Sam more :) ha, kidding (not really) Also, spring break is in a couple of weeks, that's exciting, minus the fact I probably won't be doing anything awesome at all except for working (if I can get a job) Gawwwd, I'm so lazy.

(I don't really use that word so disregard that)

Bee Tee Double Yew:

I love my friend Jamie Jones. 

That is all.