I've got more game then Beijing

I'm gonna do what I do:

So I thought I got a job... wrong. Due to a technical difficulty (haha not really) basically I just didn't get the job. So yet again.. I'm job-less & currently going to resort to the desperate jobs aka .. sonic (maybe)

Currently: Listening to some of Wayne's new stuff. Loving it, of course. Calms me down,

Overall things have been going so good! I have an awesome life, I really can't complain. I have amazing friends and just lucky in a lot of ways. 

I'll be in Houston in a couple weeks, I miss a few friends so much, a couple in particular. I have this one friend, he's a good friend to me, more now than he has ever been. I guess I don't realize how much we actually talk through out the day cause now that he's sorta out of service as to where I can't talk to him whenever I want, I see how much I miss him, need him. I'll be okay though.

On another note: Why I chose to linger and stay is beyond me, but with everything in me, I can't leave. Teach me to let go, I don't ask much or talk to you much but if you could help me out on this one.. I'd like that.

Late-uhz.

I know there's nothing wrong with everything being right.

Hello mother fcker, hey, hi, how ya derrn?:

Summer has been so good to me, things just can't be any better. I recently just got a job! Literally like just today, haha! I've been wanting one for awhile now and finallyyy I have one, this has made my day. 

I recently took a mini-vaca to South Padre with a few friends and had the best time, minus a few factors, overall it was good. Just needed to get away, TOTALLY needed vacation but so good to be home.

Also one of my really good friends is coming in town this week and I'm really excited to get to see him, even if it's only for one day. I freaking want to go to six flags actually, so we'll probably do that!

I've really been doing a lot of thinking. Mostly about relationships, not like friendships,but like relationships, intimate ones. I think about the intimate relationships and how they have affected me. I think I'm just now figuring out what I want versus what I need. What looks appealing and what would actually betters me. I try not to have too high of expectations but I'm not lowering my standards for one person. 

letting go has never been so easy.

yet i don't want to leave,

but choosing to anyways.

I'm learning to live for myself 

and maybe, finally, I'll be able to breathe.

Until next time,

Everything was moving so fast

Summertime: 

So just to give an update for now, summer school is lame, easy but lame. Still haven't found a job, -_-, anddddd I still love everything about summer. 

Summer is really the best break, it's so relaxing and I really don't have to worry about much. I'm just happy to be able to relax.

On another note: I have awesome friends. I have friends new friends that I've made that are legit and I have old friends who are really the best friends I could ask for. Like without some of my friends I just wouldn't be able to handle some shit I get into, haha. 

This blog is pretty much pointless but I wanted to give an update. Everything seems to be the way or going the way I want them too (other than not having a job).

One thing in particular though: I've been going to this therapist, and like I'm not that type of person, if there is even a type of person that goes to a therapist, but I'm just saying I don't like that. Even now, I don't like to be put on the spot and I don't like the share my feelings, I don't like the feel vulnerable with anything but regardless of all those things I'm learning a lot. A lot about myself and why I do a lot of the things that I do. All the shit I get into? I need a good ass explanation, ha! But really, it's a good learning experience for myself and hopefully by continuing this I can help or just influence others around me. 

All in all, I'm having a good summer. One of my best so far.

I'm still fly, I'm sky high

Update:

STILL summer, and with summer comes summer school, which I'm currently in. I honestly thought it was going to be worse than I thought but now that I'm actually in it, it's not too bad. I have one friend in there that I know but we have YET to sit next to each other, haha. It's all good though.

STILL haven't found a job. MYYY GODDD what does it take to get a freaking job around here? I know I'm not the only one NOT getting jobs, I'm just saying, it's never been this hard. Hopefully things will turn around soon. I swear I've applied to places I don't even like. (sigh)

In other news-

I'm loving summer, I love swimming and getting tan and I just love being with friends and just enjoying summer all around. I have free time and time to just chill. Plus I can swim whenever I want and it just feels nice. Things are over all doing well, I miss a few of my friends but it's the same ol.

i have an addiction and it's gonna take a lot more than

just saying it out loud to over come this, 

god, please help me.

In life there are choices. I've learned that sometimes you have to choose between two different things. You have to let your head choose rather than your heart. You have to actually think out decisions, you have to literally sit down and think about what you have to do. Why I haven't done any of that is beyond me. Maybe dealing with my emotions and what I really need rather than want is not something I'm ready to do. But when? When will I be ready? I can't be waiting for a sign because hell, there's been too many signs thrown at me. Gah, I wish I had someone who completely understands and can actually physically help me, and hold my hand the whole time. dammit.

Sorry I'm getting so deep but I promised myself this summer would be the summer of change and dammit, I'm gonna keep to my word. Ugh, I make things so much harder than they are. 

But besides that: Summer is all that I've needed.