I'm staring in between the sets,

eyeliner and cigarettes:

I absolutely hate the mondays after awesome weekends. It just keeps getting harder and harder to go back! Luckily it's almost Thanksgiving break and then comes the glorious Christmas break, ahh. Can't wait.

Also, I'm going to see one of the best bands of all time with my good friend Plett on Friday. Good company and good music. It'll be perfect,

Me and D baby made a "knucks" pact this morning, (you know those are the serious ones) and we're going to keep each other to it. I just know it. Well.. we're gonna try at least.

Man I'm tired..

And I wish I could tell you right now,

I love you but it looks like I won't be around:

So I keep getting these waves of excitement every time I remember that I'm going to see brand new in ten days with one of my favorite people in the whole world! haha but really, I'm beyond excited.

My weekend was very full and very eventful, just how I like 'em. I like making new friends and hanging out with old friends more and more. It's a good refreshment and it's nice to have new people. I think I'll keep them :) Not gonna lie though, I miss my friends. My friends that are off at college, I miss them a lot a lot. I'm waiting for them to come home soon so I can see them and hug them and love them. So get home guys, I miss you.

This weekend apparently my parents want me and my bro to go camping with them and these people that we know. I thought oh shit that kinda sounds fun since we'll be staying in a cabin but since it's this weekend I can't go, already have plans! If it wasn't this weekend, I think I might even enjoy it, haha.

So I know that I'm definitely interested, but I don't have full fledge feelings.. yet. I'd like to see how it goes cause I like the way it's going.

Well I love you so much, but do me a favor baby, don't reply.

cause I can dish it out, but I can't take it.

Brand new ♥

I want to live

where soul meets body:

It feels so good here. And I don't want to talk about it but all I know is that it feels good here, without you, without the worry of you.

So I've been having to find other people to hang out with since most my friends are away off at college. But I've found the few that are here and it's been fun hanging out with new people,

Got to see my good friend Mitch! He's been home from the coastguard, so it's good to see him for the little time he is here.

I want to see paranormal activity but I'm getting mixed reviews from people. still kinda wanna go see it though, but i also hate scary movies.. hm.

oh & where the wild things are! (someone take me)

ha

School= so lame, aka kicking my ass. I would just like this semester to be over already. At least get to christmas break, mm christmas break. can't wait.

hurry up holidays, you know i don't like waiting.

Don't worry, it'll all be over sooner than you think

you will have your peace:

I'm almost relieved without you. I feel relieved. I'm sitting here eating Whataburger taquitos and I'm relieved. I breathe in and out and make sure I stay calm. Breathing right now in itself, is calming. Thinking about you doesn't make keep me calm. I set you aside in my mind and breathe, I breathe and feel calm. without you. Just what I am, without you.

don't you know what you're doing

don't you get it by now

i want to know which tangent to chase

even though they all seem wrong

closing my eyes, laying down and listening to Baruch the Scribe.

Hanging out with different people is nice for a change. Changing the people in my life is a nice change. Not replacing, just changing. Shit, if I'm lucky changing will eventually become replacing. I'm just saying that it's a nice change.

i find strange peace in knowing nothing

i find strange peace in knowing i was wrong

now I only see spots,

If they don't put me away,

it'll be a miracle:

I wish I wasn't punished for not having the same beliefs as my parents. Because we don't agree on the same things, I get the shitty end of the stick. If i could get a decent job with a paraphernalia ticket, don't you think I would? The things that make me happy and the things that make you happy aren't the same and you get angry because they aren't the same. How long can you be angry? And the things you do out of anger do you even think them through? I get that there are consequences for whatever you think I'm doing wrong because you're my parents, but how shitty do you have to make my life and for how long? When can you just be normal parents and let me have my life back? I'd like to think you both understand but even that's thinking too much. For you to understand what I'm going through would be a little more than a miracle. Because you're so close minded and I couldn't even begin to explain myself. I almost feel sorry for you. We live in different generations and I feel sorry that you will never understand what I understand. If only you could though, that'd be nice. I wonder if you even "get advice" on half the stuff you do. I'd like to hear the person who told you that me not having a phone is logical, I'd like to hear it. really.

I wish I knew what happiness is. I wish I knew what it was like to be able to do what makes me the happiest and be with the people who make me happiest. I'm tired of being sad and angry, tired of crying and tired of taking a back seat to everything and everyone else.

(sigh)

signed,

OVERWHELMED.

You should know I bleed blue,

but I ain't a crip though,:

If someone could give me the cure to loneliness that would be awesome.

I am feeling:

overwhelmed

lonely

emotional

detached

anxious

jealous

hatred.

i need to stop, but i can't. i also wish crying didn't give me the biggest headache.

today is just one of those days,

i just want to cry.

She took my heart,

I think she took my soul:

This has been really hard for me lately. It's hard to want someone so much and only get little bits and pieces of them at one time. Sometimes I just want you for a whole week. It's hard to see someone else have you more than I do. I'd call you mine but you're not. I miss you, that's all. (sigh)

School has been such a joke this week. I couldn't get into the "school mode" this week, it's hard to get back into the groove of things after the weekends. Mannn, and I have a lot of shit next week, tests, quizzes and shit. AH I just want a break already! C'mon Thanksgiving, hurry uppp.

All of my favorite shows are back on though! This makes my weeks go by faster I think, when I await my favorite shows each on different days! hehe

:: So my whole family has been sick and now, of course, I am too. It's the flu for sure, but I don't think it's swine flu. I did feel like absolute shit this whole weekend and haven't even been able to do anything. I'm feeling a little better but it comes in waves.

I just want you, all of you. Not you only on some weekdays, not your drunken calls on the weekend, just you. all of you.

All I know is I want to be happy in the future. I want to do things that make me happy and be with the people that make me happy.