I don't want to let you go,

but it hurts my hands to hold the rope:

Nothing feels right anymore. I think it's because I have no idea what I'm doing. haha That sounds so .. sad. I just don't know what I'm going to do with school, careers, friends, you. Nothing feels right. and that's the only way I know how to explain this feeling.

Thanksgiving week was good for me, it was good to get away and it was good to see people who make the happiest. I'm really grateful to have so many awesome people in my life. It's nice to sit back and see how awesome my friends and family are. I know that Christmas break will be great though. I'm so ready for the new year. I can't wait to just be able to just start over. with everything, and everyone.

I have a friend who is about to make a drastic change in her life and man, if I could fucking just go with her, I would. It would just be so refreshing, so new. One day, i'll be right there with you man. I can only take this for so long,

So my ipod connecter thing broke in my car so I've been listening to the shitty ass radio. haha GOD it's so shitty. I feel like I haven't listened to good music in like weeks. (it seems) In the car is the only time I get to listen to my music, it suckszsddzddzsfjaskdf

This semester is coming to an end which feels really nice, but I know that only lasts for awhile cause next semester is right around the corner. I just love the feeling after I'm done with my finals (sigh) oh school, why must you drain all my energy?

CHRISTMAS BREAK PLEASE COME SOON, WE ALL LOVE AND MISS YOU,

hehe

And I'm crying for things that,

I tell others to do without crying:

The holidays are getting closer and closer. I'm so ready for the holidays and then a new year. (sigh) a new year, that sounds nice. A good way to start things over, to get things together, to move forward.

there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think of you,

i wish that we could be happy together

but for now, i'll learn to be happy without you.

I feel like this next year will bring awesome things. Awesome, awesome things. I wanna get out of here and I want to like live life, I feel like I've been waiting and waiting for something to come to me and now I've just realized why am I waiting for nothing? I can just make things happen for myself.

I want to be happy, hm. I think I'll try that for a change :)

a few weeks left in the semesterrrr, (high fives all around)

Be afraid of the lame, they'll inherit your legs,

be afraid of the old, they'll inherit your soul:

I started writing everything I thought, down. I like to come back and read what I wrote and see if my thoughts have or haven't changed. I usually only write about one thing, or a couple of things. The things I have strongest feelings for. If I wrote it all down on here this would be WAYY long, and WAYY embarrassing. haha,

Anyway, had an AMAZING weekend, I think I just love birthdays. It gives you a weekend to just have fun and just fuck around. I'm developing close friendships with some pretty awesome people and it's nice to have new friendships. Although, I am beyond ready for my friends to be home for the holidays. We have a lot of catching up and just hanging out to do. I miss all of you, get your asses home.

Saw Regina Spektor in concert last week with my good friend. Regina is so awesome live, she really was absolutely perfect.

This weekend I realized that it's good to try things and know about them first hand before you can say any negative or positive things about them. I strongly believe people cannot know about something unless they've experienced first hand. and you know, I'm down with experimenting but will remain an herbalist till the day I die, haha... I'm serious 0_0

The cold weather brings the holidays. My favorite part of the year, I can't wait to get these breaks from school going, HA. and of course all the shit that comes with the holidays. All in all the holidays are my favorite, as is the cold weather. Ready for a new year, ready for the change the new year will bring. (sigh)

She will kiss you till your lips bleed

but she will not take her dress off, Americana.

"If you like grape rillos then you're alright,

but if you like peach rillos then fuck you":

Listening to Brand new is calming for me, not all of their music is calming, but for me, it calms me down. Something about it,

I've realized that I like to have goals for myself. I don't necessarily set them but they give me something to look forward to. Having something to look forward to helps keep me moving. Without this thing to look forward to, it's hard for me. The fear of losing the thing I look forward to the most is harder though,

Haha,

I feel like I have to critique everything I write. Like I'll read it and then erase it like no that doesn't sound good. I'm not sure why I do that. This blog for me is more like the thought process that goes on in my head. I can't critique my thoughts.

I'm trying to be more grown up about things in my life. From my point of view I feel grown, not like an adult but grown enough. From other's point of view, say older people, I'm just a kid. The way I look at some people sometimes, like they're so naive and young. (shakes head) I'm still that.

It's like a "Calling someone fat doesn't make you any skinnier.." -- type of thing.

Like I said, I'm trying. It's a lot harder than I thought. I still have things that I want to do that would be considered not "adult". I just don't give a fuck. But trying to be grown should be more important. That's why I said, trying.

ps- being unselfish sucks :/

You're so good at talking smack, heart attack,

but you're the apple of my eye anyway.

Say you're my friend but,

why won't you be my family,:

This week has felt like one of those weeks. Overwhelmed with school and everything that comes with that. Not one of the best weeks by far, but

Today is just one of those days. Not to say it was bad but at the end of the day it just feels like one of those days. blah, that's what it feels like.

Today is one of those days where you have me staring at this page for an hour straight and still nothing happens. I'm waiting, checking every five minutes, and waiting with the same result. Hoping it'll change. It's just one of those days that puts me in one of those moods.

Today is one of those days where I feel so overwhelmed with school. Two tests and a quiz in one day is a little much for me to handle. Today is one of those days where when I sit in my car after school I have to take a deep breath.

Today is one of those days where I want to listen to every song that reminds me of you, all sad and happy songs.

But I'll be okay. or that's what I like to tell myself,

If you call, then I'm coming out

If you call, then I'm coming to get you

You want to sink, so I'm going to let you

At dawn the fire snuck into your bedroom

Now I'm falling asleep to forget you

This weekend though,

I want it to be a good weekend. I want to have a weekend where I can just get away for a night or two. Not worry about anything and just hang out with people who make me happy on a regular basis, people I'd prefer to be around.

This weekend I want to be one of those weekends that we'll talk about the whole next week.

This weekend,

Do they need a friend to be a lover,

or a lover to be a friend?:

I've written a list of things that I believe in. One day in class I just wrote everything I was thinking. I loved the list I made but the things I think, the moods I'm in they change everyday it seems like.

My moods change with the seasons these days,

I'll put the list on here soon, when I have the time.

One of my favorite movies is Dazed and Confused, I forgot how much I just enjoy watching it. It makes me miss high school a little and makes me wish I lived back then in that time period.

It's nice to know that you're thought about. Sometimes just those texts that you get, make ya smile. I enjoy getting those, tonight was one of those nights :)

Know what's crazy to think about? Sometimes I just when I people watch I always think about how every person has that one person, that someone that they think about before they go to sleep at night. Even if that person is someone that they have already, can't have, wish they had, or had and now don't. I know I have one person I think about before I lay my head down, everyone does. How crazy is that to think about. And think about how many people there are in the world, that's so crazy..../ just a thought.

I need some money quick. I need to get out of this place, someone come and run away with me. Let's get out of this place, start a new life. someone. let's do it.

until then, stuck in ft worthless.

I'm sinking like a stone in the sea,

I'm burning like a bridge for your body:

I'm happy, well, to a certain extent. I'm happy like right now I'm okay with what I've got. Or I've grown to be happy with what I've been given. Although everything I have been given is not everything I want. There is one thing that makes me the happiest and I don't have it, just yet. But I feel happy.

I had a bad ass weekend to say the least, saw one of my favorite bands in concert Friday. It's good to go to concerts with people who have the same passion for the music as you do. Ah, I can't even explain how happy seeing Brand New in concert made meeeee :) Next up though, Regina Spektor. Different music but still just as passionate.

Then Halloween was on Saturday. AH, how perfect is that weekend. best life ever. Everything we planned didn't necessarily work out but we definitely still know how to have a good time. Good times, haha.

November is definitely a month of birthdays for me. Too many if you ask me! It's a little overwhelming but I do love birthdays! & Thanksgiving, which also means a couple days off of school and shit, I know everyone loves that.

happy novemberr !

only two more months of 2009, god damn.