So this is the new year,

and I don't feel any different:

Ready for all that 2010 has to offer. I want to do things this year, for myself. "Me, me it's all about me." I feel like I don't have anything else to worry about now. I'm young, single and can be selfish. I feel like in 2010, I'll be as selfish as I wanna be. I know that I can only be selfish for so long, so now is the time to do it. haha, this reminds me of a talk I had with my friend a while back. I miss him, he'll be home again soon though!

I really want this year to be good, in all aspects of my life. Health, school, jobs, friendships, relationships, everything. We'll see though, it'll only be as good as I make it. I know this.

Glad my best friend (girlfriend, hahah) is back. It feels right to have her back.

This break has been really different. I'm starting to see less and less of my high school friends, I knew this time would come but I just didn't think this quick.

So bring it on 2010, I have a big bag of fire works and I'm ready to throw them at friends/cars haha!

This is all I want to write tonight,

here it goes:

Even if I thought there was a future in us, the immaturity you showed me tonight tells me there's a long way to go before you're even remotely ready to be with me, seriously. I'm not saying I'm the most mature or I handle things the best, and I didn't think it was going to be a problem but you can't handle thing so juvenilely and think you can be in a serious relationship. Maybe it's time to reconsider our definitions of 'selfish', or maybe it's time to reconsider what we both thought this was going,

Everyday you give me reasons, both good and bad, that make me question you, us. It's just that when the list of bad is longer than the good is when I have to step back and realize why I'm still here.

A good friend of mine once told me he held onto the person he fell hardest for, not just because he couldn't let go but because to let go would mean to lose a best friend. He would rather keep his friendship then ruin it with a relationship.

To my good friend:

I wish I was as strong as you.

i'm sick of writing every song, about you.

every line is about, who i don't want to write about anymore.

You know I plan to retire someday,

but Mama gonna go out in style:

So nothing really has been up. Finished school last week then took a trip to Houston to see my friends & get away for a bit. Now I'm back home!

Houston overall was fun, the only thing that sucked was losing my phone at the airport, that sucked the MOST. But I still had fun and I got to stay longer than planned so it was nice to be away from home since I don't get to do that often. I might be considering moving down to Houston, the only thing is that I actually hate Houston, the city itself. haha damn. But I don't know it's a possibility!

Next vacation up though, SA townnn. I miss my cousins, my aunts, my uncles, everyone! It'll be so awesome to see them. ah, I just love christmas that's all. haha

But dude, it feels so awesome to be done with school for a bit. I felt like the semester went by so slow at first and then before I knew it, it was time for finals! Luckily though, I only had two real finals. My other finals were class evaluations or just 15 question quizzes, that was sweet. (sigh)

Damnnnn man, I miss my friend. She moved to live this awesome life in a freaking awesome state. sheesh! I wish I had the money to do that shit. I feel like we're only this young once and while you're not married or have kids you might as well, shit. So props to you friend, but I do miss you terribly.

It feels good to be back home, sometimes I just miss the familiarity of home, but then again .. I don't. I figured though, while I'm not in school and don't have shit else to do I'll do some serious job hunting. I know I'll have to in order to ever get out of this house (which hopefully will be soon!)

Well that's it for now, I'll write later.

I try so awful hard,

but I can't change:

Things have been good lately. Been doing some crazy spontaneous shit haha. It's been good. Christmas break is finally here, after a dreadful (not really) week of finals. I really only had two real finals but still, I hate them all together.

This weekend me and my friend are going to Houston! Yay, we don't really have plans or anything we just wanna get out of this town for a bit. It'll be good to get away for a bit, but I'll definitely be ready to be back cause all my friends from college will be getting out, yesss. I do hate the Houston drive though, (sigh)

I want to know why I'm being kept around if there's no future in us.

Just being drug along for the ride, I guess.

I really love Christmas. Not just for getting shit but just for the atmosphere that comes with Christmas. Everyone (at least to me) seems happier, I just love that.

Idk I don't have much to write about, I just thought I'd write anyways.

Currently: Listening to Kings of Leon & "packing",

good day.

Hold on, one more time with feeling,

try it again, breathing's just a rhythm:

Yay for only a few more days left in this dreadful semester! You know, I wasn't sure how this was gonna turn out. But I'm surprised and it's not as bad as I imagined. ha Not saying I'll be doing this much longer, but it wasn't as bad as I thought.

I don't want my friend to leave me. I'm going to miss her too much, I feel like she's the only one I have right now, well. the only one who has and idea of anything that goes on with me. I'll just make sure this last week with you is awesome, bud. I'm gonna miss you so much.

I guess, no, I don't care what you do but if, like you said, it makes you happy then sure. but god. it still hurts. I wonder if it will ever stop hurting. I wish it would,

I'm ready to do shit Houston style, I'll be there next weekend and dammit, let's fucking do it. I just thought I had better friends than this, but I guess after a semester it can really change a person. Oh well, you just better not ask for shit if you ever come on my side of town. haha i'm not kidding.

This weekend will be epic as will the week, and then the following weekend.

Alright Christmas break, I see you right around the corner. now. hurry your ass up!