Unsure of what the balance held

I touched my belly overwhelmed:

Now playing: The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill

So it's only been almost a week or so since I've written. Been focused on finishing out the semester strong and that's just what I've done. I mean I don't have the best grades, but they'll get my GPA up, which is what I was wanting to do this semester. So goal accomplished.. for now.

It feels like a little flame inside of me, deep inside of me. It use to burn so bright for you. Constantly it was put out but I kept it burning, because I was scared of what would happen if it went out completely. Now it's like this dim light, like the candle is using up the last of it's wax to keep burning. No one has tampered with it recently, no one's tried to keep it burning, or tried to put it out so it just burns. Getting dimmer and dimmer until it goes out. but, still there though.

The Spurs lost tonight, even though I know it's just a game and they're just a professional basketball team, I feel like this depression now that they're out of the playoffs. Haha wow that's so ridiculous, not like a real depression, just a sadness. I guess because this the only thing I've felt passionate about recently and now it's over.

I had a hard exterior before you, but you broke it. Now as I'm putting myself back together, I've realized my exterior is harder than it was before. I hope that doesn't end up hurting me. I'm only trying to protect myself from that vulnerability that you brought out of me. So I'll pick myself up, piece myself back together and keep that vulnerability hidden with a better lock this time.

I hope this doesn't effect us. I like the pace we're going, I don't need to feel rushed or be rushed. So for now we'll walk with this, I say walk cause we're sure as hell not running with it, but I wouldn't want it any other way. It's summer now and our futures are different,

let's be strategic.

Everyone is growing up. In their own way all my friends are growing up. I feel stunted, stuck. And even when I begin to move or grow up, I'll be behind. But at least I'll be growing. I'm a little afraid to grow up completely. I'm already in my 20's, that's crazy. I have these dreams, these aspirations. Some are pretty extreme, but some very possible.

You know what I love? I love hearing songs that I've never heard before and the lyrics are like perfect for what I'm feeling or what I'm going through. That's been happening to me lately no joke. I love it, I think I'll make a playlist.

'Cause nothing even matters at all

Nothing even matters to me,

Nothing even matters no more