I'll savor every moment of this:

You know, I just can't figure out why I do some of the things I do you know? It's not even just me, like why do people do the things that they do? What compels someone to go against every advice, instinct and guidance that someone gets. You want something so bad even though you can't have it. Is it suppose to be? Are you meant to be together? Why hold on for so god damn long? Let go, fucking let go.

i can't.

No matter how hard I've fucking tried. I set myself up every time to feel the way I always, ALWAYS feel. Yet, I never learn from my mistakes. When I describe a relationship as an addiction, where the hell did I go wrong? Why can't I see what's so plainly in my face. Am I really that much of an idiot?

damn.

Is there a fucking cure? If I could cure myself, if I could disengage you. (if that makes sense) If I could just get rid of you, just even for a week. I'd do it. ... or would I? Would I be happier? Would it help not having you in my life? Is there really something that big of me missing when you're not here, when you're gone. I haven't even given myself a chance to see. Or maybe I have but shit, I don't wanna do that again. Ah who am I kidding, I'd do it, I'd totally do it. If it means not getting sick to my stomach every night, not feeling like shit after seeing you, and maybe if it means me actually being honestly happy? Yeah, hell yeah I'd do it.

What I do know is:

i'm sick of writing every song about you.

On another note: School starts on Monday for me. Fuckingggg Monday. Here we go again college, better luck this time, huh? Yeah I sure hope so, for my own sake. I'm jobless and I'm about to start community college for my second year of college. Way to fuckin' go, huh? Haha, man I never thought I'd be at this point. I mean look at me, hahah. All I can do is laugh, how immature am I?

Realistically, I do judge people on maturity, it's what I do, it's what I look for. I've recently discovered that no matter how old you are, you can be really, REALLY immature. Not even in the sense of like making jokes and fucking around, I mean literally your actions. Like what were you thinking? So realistically, I'm not even mature in my own definition of mature.

I'd say that's pretty sad.

I'm not mature even in my own definition of mature. AND I judge people on maturity, and look at me. If I saw myself or knew myself I would judge myself and say "why yes she is immature, do not be friends with her." I would say that, or I'd think it at least. bahhh, who am I kidding.

This is a joke, life can be a joke.

Let's just enjoy the ride shall we?