It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song..

you can't believe it, you were always singing along:

You know I thought this would hurt more, or maybe I didn't think that, I just thought this wouldn't happen this way. Physically, I gave you everything. Emotionally though, you haven't taken anything from me. I guess it only hurts that you thought I couldn't be civilized, I don't know if you forgot how I am already but I can be civil. I just hope that since it doesn't hurt me, that it doesn't hurt you too..

On another note though,

I have a lot of things,

I have this speech written. Word for word written to tell you exactly what I feel. If my feelings could be put into perfect words, this speech would be it. The only problem is actually getting these words out of my mouth. Everything that I've written, it's hard for me to say, it was SUPER hard for me to write. I have this ideal way of how I'm going to say it, what tone to use, how I might cry, how I might get angry, how I will tell you to be quiet and let me finish, cause you never do. Just the act of doing this speech will probably be the hardest. I don't want to say it because I'm scared, that's just it. I'm scared.

so why do you fill my sorrow

with all the words you've borrowed

from the only place you've known

and why do you sing hallelujah

if it means nothing to you,

why do you sing with me at all?

I have this fear of being alone and if I give this speech that's exactly what I'll be.

I have these waves of listening to different artists a lot at one time. There are so many perfect songs for these situations I get into. I almost feel as if they were written to speak for me. I love finding songs with perfect lyrics.

I have plans. I had plans, and am in the process of making new plans. These plans aren't shaped or formed around anyone. I have these plans of where I will live, where I will go to school, the people I will meet, the places I will go. I wish I could just have like a big push from someone to get my plans started. For now though, I'll just have to wait.

The waiting game has never been a favorite of mine.

What I want from this is

to learn to let go.

no, not of you

of all that is old.