For a young man it's a heck of a wage,

and I feel crazy when I see your face:

I don't wanna write in this right now but I need to do something, tell someone, say something.

My weekend was good. I got to see and spend time with my family. That above all things, makes me the happiest. My family. It's hard to come back and go to school this week after having such a short yet sweet weekend. It's good for me to hear stories, the things that my family members go through because it makes me feel like the stuff I go through is not unheard of. It makes me feel like the stuff I go through, I'm not alone. I don't realize most of the time that I have this awesome family who has gone through the same or even worse situations. I almost feel like I take their advice for advantage. I have so much to learn and if I could sit down and listen once and while I'd actually hear what they're saying. It's just good to know that I have them.

There is no part of me that wants to go to school tomorrow, no part of me that wants to do anything productive tomorrow. That would be stupid but it's the truth. I feel so drained, haha. Not just like physically but emotionally I am just out of emotion. (sigh)

Goodnight!

///

I check every form of media (every five seconds it feels like) to see if you're thinking of me. Usually the answer is no, and if it's not you don't have a good way of showing that you are. I don't want to be your last thought of the day, I want to be your every thought. I don't want you to want this, I want you to do this.. with me. You wouldn't be alone in this. I'm here,. You know I'd be holding your hand through it all, you just don't give me the chance. And I feel like even if the chance comes, you still would refuse to take it with me. I would be taking a huge leap, and I wanna take it with you.

We'd be so free-

Happy alone

Sharing a smile

So far from home

And we would laugh,

Laugh till we cried

Making up songs

You're making me lie

..Happy alone

I want you,

exactly like I use to:

I have two quizzes and a test tomorrow and here I am writing a blog about nothing. At least I feel like this one's gonna be about nothing.

My week has gone by pretty fast, it seems that all my weeks lead up to Thursday cause Thursday's are my longest days. It pretty much means the weekend when it my week hits Thursday except for the fact that I have one class on Friday. -_-

I'm really excited for this weekend coming up though, I get to take a road trip to San Antonio. My beloved city. It's always good to get away for a weekend and just be with family. It's not like I don't live with my own family but everyone who knows me, knows that I can only be at this house for a certain amount of time. Speaking of which, I'll be going to school (crosses fingers) in SA this spring! Part of the reason why I'll be going down.

I've been listening to Kings of Leon a lot, I have just fallen in love with their album that came out in 2008. The songs just seem to be more catchy, or something, I don't know. But shit, I listen to them every where I go, haha.

I'm a little upset cause tonight is the Blink 182 concert, and I know I should've gone. ughhh, but it's okay. I'll be seeing Brand new next month and then Regina the following month! Ah! Two concerts I am dying to see. There was only one person that I wanted to see Regina Spektor with and it's the one person I can't see her with. When I found out, I just held the phone like who can I call to come with me, and all I could think of was you, I wish man. ... Instead I'll be attending with my dear friend D baby! haha, she will have to do instead.

I should probably get back to studying, it's hard to not get distracted or tired all of the sudden. I'd rather be hearing you, and falling asleep on the phone. For now, school comes first. As it should, always.

Always mad and usually drunk

but I love her like no other:

I hate to write a post under these conditions but it has to be done. This weekend was needed. It felt long and I need to feel something positive this weekend. I enjoy hanging out with my friends, we know how to have a good time. The whole weekend though, I just felt numb. If numb is a feeling, you cause me to feel it. I have no other explanation for that. I'm not sure my feelings could hurt anymore, so the feeling is numb.

Excited that Regina Spektor is coming to town in November. Working on getting my ticket this week, it will be the highlight of my November. ANDD I'm still wayyyy excited to see Brand new in October with my good friend Plett. <- speaking of.

I haven't seen my friend Plett for some time now, I do miss her, working on seeing her this week for sure. haha I guess that was sort of like, note to self kind of thing.

I wish I didn't have to worry that you care any more. I always know the answer just let myself believe otherwise. Dumb on my part but sometimes, as pathetic as it sounds, I need it. Reassurance I guess,

Hoping this week will go by fast so I can get out of this town for a couple of days! Friday can't come soon enough :) I miss my family.

With you on my mind,

and my heart held your hands:

I believe I would describe our relationship like this:

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

some hope,

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

very little hope,

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

DISAPPOINTMENT

disappointment

disappointment

disappointment

enough hope to last me for a day,

disappointment

disappointment

i think you catch the drift,

i'm just sayin'...

I know that we're taking chances,

you told me life was a risk:

Man some music just brings me to tears. I know everyone has those songs that every time you listen to them, you cry. I've made this beyond awesome playlist and by the end of it, my eyes are never dry.

This weekend was pretty hectic for me, it wasn't how much happened but it just seemed like so much. I was exhausted by the time I finally got home and then had to study for a test I had this afternoon. I tried to relax today but I, again, have another test tomorrow. (sigh) I'm also pretty upset cause one of my friends recently passed away. This past wednesday actually, I was shocked and highly upset when I found out. Although we weren't close, we did have some memories and classes together in high school. I'm upset though, because her funeral is tomorrow morning and I have this damn test, so I can't go. I'd like to go and at least pay my respects: this is upsetting.

I just have a feeling that tomorrow will not be a good day. AND it keeps raining, like non stop raining, we can't even get an hour of no rain. I usually enjoy the rain but this, this is too much.

Aside from that though, life is getting pretty tough. I feel like I'm doing okay but I have all these other things that I feel like I have to figure out. I have no clue what I'm doing in the near future, and I'm sure I'm suppose to have an idea at least, and I sure as hell don't. I feel like I don't even know where to begin even if I sat down to think about it. (sigh)

I think I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed.

I miss you, and not just you, I miss having someone.

It gets harder everyday and my little heart is heavy.

But damn, I do miss you.

Still want to hold you and kiss behind your ears,

But I recount the countless tears that I lost for you:

I wish this whole growing up and finding yourself would be easier. I wish it wasn't a journey and more of an instant. Moving past all this pain and hardships that come with growing up. But if I didn't go through all of this useless shit I wouldn't have anything to grow from.

I just wish things could be done with no emotions.

I'm starting to focus more on school, I figured I'd do it right this time around, I have nothing else to keep me busy except school. Why not.

The moments when I'm not thinking of you, are my happiest.

As of now, Ingrid Michaelson keeps me sane.

The storm is coming

the storm is coming, yeah:

I cannot express on here how ready I am to see Brand new in concert with my good friend Plett. Even though it's a couple months away, I just can't stop listening to them and every time I listen to them I just get so damn excited, haha. Seriously though, I am beyond excited.

This weekend is a three day weekend. I never wanted a three day weekend more in my life, haha. School has been such a drag and we are only two weeks in! ugh. I forget how much energy and time and life school sucks out of you. Thank God for the weekends though otherwise I just wouldn't be living.

The weekend so far has been LUH-GIT. Got to spend some time with Plett, went a soccer game to see our friend play on Friday, Saturday went to a CD release show/keg house party, haha. Sunday just chilled all day with different people. And today, well I'll probably just do the same thing.

The day isn't over yet, and I'm in a good mood for now, we'll see how long this lasts.

I've seen a castle in Wales,

but I'd rather wake up beside you and breathe that ol' familiar smell:

It's been one day (deep breath in) and I can only do one day at a time (breathe out). This will be the slowest and hardest thing I have ever done, I can feel it. I don't even know what to do with myself half the time and the things I wanna do only are temporary. Sun up to Sun down, that's all I can handle. September bring me something new,

I have an amazing friend, or amazing friends, but one friend in particular who has been the best friend to me. I can't think of anyone who could handle me or my situations the way she does, I have never had a friend who doesn't judge me like this. I can honestly say that I can tell her anything and she would just be right there next to me, holding my hand. I can't be more grateful for her, man.

School has been great, not like twu though. I feel like I'm learning a lot but it's little by little. I don't feel like I'm all the way in school mode yet, I'm getting there though. I can feel myself being a little more responsible each day :) If only that damn job would just come along ...!

I couldn't be more ready for the weekend. I feel like I have a lot going on but will still have all this time on my hands. I want to keep myself busy, keep my life moving. I honestly just wanna lay in the grass and just look at the sky, and just listen to some music. Oh how perfect that sounds, I know someone who'd do that with me :)

Almost every song I've been introduced to or recently found has had perfect lyrics for me. It's like they were written for me to find and just fall in love with. Music. always reminds me of that Bob Marley quote: "One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. "

Perfect.